I'm so tired. At work last night, I got a patient from another floor about midnight that wasn't doing very well and needed to be watched a little closer. He looked SICK. I hadn't seen someone who looked this miserable in a long time. Fastforward about 5 hrs later- we get his morning lab results back and his labs were a lot worse than they had been just a few hours earlier. He was sick to his stomache and vomiting. He was in renal failure. The color of his skin just didn't look right.... I called the doctor, received orders, carried them out... But when I got off this morning at 7 am I really felt like I didn't do a darn thing to help this man. He was still as miserable as when he arrived. I left feeling just awful. Anytime a patient goes bad on me, I always feel like it is my fault and that there was something I should have done to prevent it. I know this isn't rational.. but that's just how I feel. I think that is the hardest part of being a nurse. Sometimes I go home and just cry because I want so bad to make it better and I can't. It hits me hard and I take it personally. I will think about this man all morning.. I will worry about him and hope that he is getting better not worse.. I will lay down tonight and still be going through every scenario in my mind and hoping I made the right decision.. No, not the right decision-the BEST decision. I have come to learn that often there are many right decisions but you have to choose the best one. Sometimes this is a hard job.
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Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Just another day at work...
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4 comments:
You are a very good nurse. That man was lucky to have you caring for him. I can't imagine having to make decisions like you do everyday. I just pray you can tell yourself you did your best. Thank you for your dedication Ashley...
I am sure you made the best decisions possible. I hope that you get to sleep well today and that you don't stress out about it. I love you and I can't wait until we can hang out all next week!!
oh Ashley, I know how you feel. Just remember they sent him to you for specialized care, and thats what you gave him. Im so proud of you, for your knowledge and your compssion. I learned the hard way that we cant save them all. Ive had pt that were in ICU on IABP, dialysis, on 10 drips with an open chest, and never left the room for 12 houres. We are nurses not God. When its time to go we cant prevent it... altho we try with all our might. Thank you again. I know that you made the best decision. I love you very much!
Joycee- Thank you. You have no idea how much better that makes me feel.
Chase- I love you, you can always make me feel better!
Karla- I love how you understand exactly what I am saying. You have been through it all and have so much experience. Thank you for always saying the right thing. love you too!
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