Ugh Teenagers

I have a teenage brother and a teenage sister-n-law and I am definitely a sounding board for my mom and mother-n-law about all the trouble these two manage to get in... (I am exagerating a bit about my sister-n-law.. not so much about my brother. That boy tracks down trouble and then jumps in...) I found a cool website that listed some Mistakes Parents Makes With Teen Discipline and I thought I would copy and paste some of them. They are as follows:

1. Lack of consistency – While all children need consistent discipline, it’s even more important for teens. They get frustrated when a behavior is acceptable one day and not acceptable the next. The established rules need specific consequences. Realistic and consistent consequences demonstrate a “real world” view for teens. Creating house rules with consequences, then responding appropriately, provides all children with security and direction.

2. Punishing in anger – Sometimes parents only punish once they have reached the end of their patience. In reality, this allows teens to misbehave for a period of time before suffering any consequences. Not only is this confusing, it can also lead to abuse. Dealing with a teenager emotionally often produces dramatic immediate effects, but ultimately it creates a communication wall in the relationship. Consistent parenting, as described above, prevents punishing in anger. Stepping away from the situation to recover emotionally also proves helpful.

3. Irrelevant punishment – Whenever possible, the punishment should be reflective of wrongdoing. For example, if a teen returns home after curfew, limiting his nights out temporarily would be appropriate. A teen that doesn’t complete school work might be required to miss a social event to complete the work.

4. Accepting any behavior because of age – While it is a scientific fact that teens undergo traumatic emotional and physical changes, that fact should not be an excuse to be allowed to behave inappropriately. Often, teens who are allowed to behave badly do not grow out of that behavior as adults. Character is character at any age. Behavioral expectations should be related to what is right, not the age of the child.

5. Being a friend rather than a parent– Teens usually have more than enough social outlets. They need boundaries and safe, secure situations in which to grow. You are the provider of both, and when you act like a friend, your teen will lose security. Teens who view their parents as authority figures and providers are more likely to be close to them in adulthood.

6. You become the enemy – At times, you may feel like the enemy, and your teenager might actually refer to you as such. No matter how hurt you may feel, it’s important to remain the one person who consistently stands by your teenager. Friends and teachers will come and go. You will always be the parent. By establishing rules and consequences, you’re the one person in your teen’s life that holds him accountable no matter what. Even if we don’t like authority figures in our lives, they typically establish order and security.

7. Lose your sense of humor – It’s not funny when your teenager messes up, particularly when you’re left to clean up the mess. Losing your sense of humor won’t help. It may not seem funny at the time, but most challenging situations can eventually be viewed in a comical way. If your teen feels comfortable laughing and joking with you regularly, he’ll also be more likely to listen when you get serious.

8. Stopping your teen from failing at all costs – Some of life’s greatest lessons result from failing. Parents who micromanage their teens because they are afraid of their teen failing prevent their child from developing important life skills. As much as you don’t want to have to discipline your teen, letting him fail and living with the consequences can teach him more than your chosen punishment.

9. Several teens expressed that they want their parents to be parents. When the roles in the household become skewed, confusion and chaos soon follow. Teenagers with younger siblings tended to feel that their parents maintained their essential roles, while the youngest children and only children found their parents more likely to blur the lines between friend and parent. Teens who described their parents as tough disciplinarians also expressed feeling loved in the process.

Now that my teenage years are behind me (barely!) I can see the relevance of the advice above. I can also see how it's easier said than done!!